Monsoon At Last

After a long wait finally sprinkles appeared.  It’s an awesome feeling to get drenched in 1^st rain after the scorching heat. Science people may say its harmful for health, 1^st rain consists of chlorine and other chemicals but at this point of time I am deaf for them. It’s an experience to ride through slippery high way under rain. Speed cannot be over 35 mph and when a heavy truck or 10 wheeler crosses with speed, spreading muds and with a high blow of wet air, for that moment it seemed like the last moment of my life. But then again I move on. I enjoy the rain.

Monsoon appears in this city means trip planning has been started in everyone’s mind. Waterfalls become alive; mountains become green, temp fall down. A perfect weather to hang out. A perfect weather to Booze.  A perfect weather to have tea and pakora with fag.  The only thing I don’t like is when raining starts it continues for 20-22 days non-stop. Not always heavy. Sometimes heavy rain sometimes sprinkles.

I remember my last monsoon. It was beyond my expectation. Don’t know how this time it goona treat me. But whatever it may be I welcome monsoon and wish that it reaches my city as soon as possible.

A Trip To Realize

I have never seen sea so mad. Yesterday was the day when I explored my known sea in a new way. I visited Kashid beach with my friends and family. I visited this place before. Sea was calm at that time. Beach was wide open. In our previous visit we walked, played in the beach as see didn’t roar at that time. But yesterday was different. When we stepped in and looked into the sea, we were stunned. Waves around 12 feet to 20 feet long smashing the shore and people hardly can enter into waves to have a peace bath or play. We ran into it. We moved forward 5 step and sea pushed back us 7. Long waves, sandy water and the heat resisted us to enjoy to that extend what we did in past. But it doesn’t mean became dis-appointed. So what if one day mood of the sea is bad, we sat at a distance in shadows. We had food and watched the sea how it is slowly becoming calm. We moved on to another place called Murud-Janjira. There is a fort which is middle of the sea and people used to go by boat. There was a long queue for that and we could not wait for 2-3 hours under the burning sun. So we decided to back to our home. While returning, we were crossing Kashid again and we saw the sea became calm and people were playing and enjoying as we did in past.

I was so tired. I closed my eyes and suddenly a thought came into my mind. It’s may be an intellectual and baseless thought but don’t know why at that point of time that came into my mind. Let’s summarize what we did yesterday. We visited a beach that we loved. Sea was too loud. We waited for some time and we moved on for other place. The place we went we could not make up. So we returned empty handed. Doesn’t this happen with our life? With relations that we carry? When our beloved ones become rough for some reason we don’t want to find the proper reason behind that. We don’t wait for the person to be calm. We wait for a while and we move on. Most of the cases the reason for moving on doesn’t successful and we return empty handed. And while returning we see, the person we loved are in peace. That’s the rule of nature. That’s the way how things go on. So, why not giving time to situations while they can create special moments if they get time and patience. I don’t know whether I am able to explain my weird thought here, but what I wished to say is I learned a lesson from my yesterday’s trip – Give time some time. Some more if needed.

An Incomplete Dream

I dreamed about a guy last night who is sitting in a train. It’s a luxury train where windows are graphed with beautiful sceneries and smiling faces. There are some images which can talk and the guy talk to them when he is lonely. When he tries to touch them, he cannot. They are just images.

The guy, tall dark not so handsome, was wearing a Blue T-shirt and a Jeans. Not so stylish. Not having so much dressing sense. He used to wake up in the morning and find that the images are busy with their own work. He tries to speak to them, images sometimes reply. Sometimes not. The guy realizes that he is in a train. And the train is running steadily. Not so jerking. A smooth run.

One day at night he woke up and saw all the images are sleeping. He tried to talk to them. No body woke up. He tried to touch them. He could not. He realized that how lonely he is. He went to the door. He tried to open the door. It was jammed. He tried hard and opened it at last. He found that the train is running through a desert. A rough atmosphere outside. He jumped from the train. I thought he will die. But he survived. He touched the warm sand, felt the extreme heat and smiled. I was surprised. I asked him why he jumped. He was about to answer and my alarm ringed. I woke up. I closed my eyes again to get the answer. But I could not reach to him again.

An year gone.. Is an year gone

A year has passed through. And it passed very fast. Like within a flash. I still can remember the 1st Jan of 2011 when i was on bike and sky was full of crackers. That’s how welcomed last year. The started with a small reward to me. I got my 1st promotion in Jan. Feb started with happy note where as ended up with some accidents. Then it was March. My most memorable March. My sister's wedding and a miracle. The sweetest miracle of my life. A trip to sea bay, a walk to remember, a full day with loads of fun and happiness. And then an unlucky 13 came as the luckiest 13 in my life.

April-May-June gone passed like a thunder flash in the clouds. And then a July. A same tour in a same way to the same place with the same person. But memories were different. Loads of memories. Like some unforgettable moments. And then a approach to a father for his daughter. A life time experience. I was so tensed. Prepared for so long that how he gonna behave and how I’ll face. But the reply was a googly and I was completely bowled. Still now I am practicing hard to defend that googly.

August every time gave me some dim memories. But this August, may be i will never forget in my whole life. It was mid august when i got my wings and a license to fly with the person whom i love the most. The best 65 hours in my life i spend during that time. It was a hard see off which i have ever made.

September passed in waiting to come back to my hometown in durga puja. A small tour of three days to my native place. Walking in crowded streets, having ice-cream and pani-puri together, Praying together, having endless talks made that three days lively.

November and December was bit slow. A wait is on. A wait to make some moments in coming days. December ended up with a house shifting. I changed my address and left my previous room which has lots of memories. Had loads of plans to celebrate 31st. Then suddenly a thought came to mind. Why not do something different. Why not go against the concept of boozing and roaming. I spent the whole day at home. Spent time with myself and with my most loving person and slept in peace. That’s how I welcomed this year.

Now, as the year has started, resolutions to make. I'll try to be little more responsible, little more caring; will change the logo of careless on me. Lets see..

Love or Self Respect

In the war of love and self respect, love always wins. At least the few cases i have seen in my life, it gave the same result. And it again happened yesterday.

I along with my friend went to my brother's house yesterday to spend Sunday. There is a girl, sweet, innocent, so-so by looks, who was preparing Luchi-Mangsho for us. I have seen her many times before with my brother, whenever i ask him about their relationship, he always said that there is nothing serious.

I don’t know what happened yesterday to me and my friend; we suddenly decided to make some relationship clear. We have made this in past also when we feel that either one of them is not understanding the value of other. In this case we realized that my brother is not feeling the importance of her presence in his life. We moved to a conversation thinking that we can make him realize his true feelings about the girl and they will be in a 'committed' relationship.

We had a little chat with the girl and then attacked my brother with lots of why-s and how-s and when-s. He somehow got puzzled, we helped him to come out from the puzzle and take a decision. That was the toughest moment for us to face. My brother said after a 2 long hr discussion that he has no feelings for the girl. The girl was sitting just in front of him. She was weeping. And then left silently.

We became silent. I was feeling that the surrounding temperature gone bit high and no-one can become free. My brother started listening sad songs and the girl was weeping at her window. We don’t know how to handle this situation. But the thing we were realizing that after saying 'No' to the girl my brother is missing her terribly. Then we plan to go out for dinner. My friend and I was discussing that if the girl can hold herself apart for at least 2 days, my brother will be able to understand her importance in his life. But there came the twist.

We reached a restaurant to have dinner in the evening. i said my brother to invite her also. She gladly accepted the invitation. She came and herself said sorry to my brother I don’t know why. She said she cannot stay apart from him in spite of knowing that there is no feeling for her. It was unexpected for me as well as my friend. At least we thought that the girl can fight with her self respect for two days at least. She could not. The feelings, that was growing in my brothers mind stopped at that moment. We had dinner. Then returned home. A known thing i realized again that in the war of love and self respect, love always wins. No matter how much self respect got hurt.

Chaplin - A Must Watch for DADDYs

Yesterday I was watching "Chaplin", a Bengali movie and when the movie was over I was overwhelmed with the acting part. Story is very predictable. No twist and all. But the when it comes to the acting part Rudraneel was just amazing.

Rudraneel is now become such an actor who can be compared as Rabi Ghosh or Jahor Roy. He don’t have heroic face and frankly not suitable for any Commercial spicy movie. But for semi commercial or art movies he is just top of the all. I am not a great fan of Rudraneel and what I heard from my friends who have worked with him, in personal life he is rude, he is arogant. But what should I bother about his personal life? As an actor he has reached in such a level that these days any upcoming actor is dreaming off. Those who have seen "Galpo holeo Sotti"(Hindi version is 'Bawarchi' lead by Rajesh Khanna) by Rabi Ghosh, hope they all will say that, that role cannot be done anyone else not even but the legend Uttam Kumar. Same like this Chaplin, No one can do i feel rather than Rudraneel.

I am not a critic. But the films touches, i express my views here. I have seen "22-se Srabon" also. But over that I liked Chaplin.

Now what I gained from the movie? For last few days I was worried about Salary, Credit card bills and all. After seeing this I realized there are people who can still smile having a cup of water and a bun in their hand and they even make people smile. We always talk about mother. Of course mother is next to god. But after seeing this I am inspired to be a good father who instead of all anxieties tries to make his baby smile. Thirdly, Personal life is more precious than professional life. If you are a successful family man, you will be doing well in your profession as well. Last but not the list who says to clear your eyes from dust, clear your face and use cold water to your eyes, my personal suggestion is to them, cry sometime. If you don’t cry hard, weep. It will clear your eyes and heart both.

Even after reading my own blog i fell that I sounded like a sentimental geek. But sometimes I feel, its good to be emotional, it’s good to be what you are actually.

Insomnia Returns

It’s been a long time when I didn’t write anything. And today insomnia returned and while having a sleepless night, I found something to write. Let’s have some intellectual talk. After a long time I am still awake. It’s 3.16 A.M. Last time it was on a purpose. Last time it was having a whole night roam with friends to Kolkata puja pandals.

Here I am not to share my puja experience. I cannot explain it in words. It was so good apart from the last day evening. I am not a caring guy inborn. Not even had good sense of humour. All I have right now; I invented and pushed in myself. I still don’t know if someone is getting bored in front of me, how to cheer him/her up. I felt bad when she was feeling bore and I could not cheer her up. I felt she acted to smile, because it was our last meet before my returning. This is the situation where I jealous one of my class mates in college and one of my friends in my locality. How I wish if I had a good sense of humour. This I think my improvement area.

2nd area of improvement is little difficult for me as I am a very silent kind of person. If I don’t like something, I cannot say that face to face. It’s not because what the opposite person gonna think. It’s because something make me silent. I tried so many times to speak it up, but something held my voice. I got hurt, I become silent. I make mistake, I become silent. Something needs to be done. I don’t recall them in normal time, but insomnia returns, all those words come to my mind and block my thoughts.

Today I feel something missing. Feel the day is not ended properly. And I cannot sleep.  Something like a break in daily habits. What is that? Still finding the answer.