I feel bad when……

I feel bad when I enter into the office and an aged security guard calls me sir.

I feel bad when I see that the person I give most importance ignores me.

I feel bad when I understand that people whom I think like friend behaving like a professional.

I feel bad when I see any of my close friends is suffering from depression.

I feel bad when my mood un-necessary goes down and I can not smile for a long time.

I feel bad when I see one of my friends doing the same mistake that I did in past.
I feel bad at every 2^nd of the month when 90% of my salary I transfer to clear pending.
I feel bad when I found no work at my desk.
I feel bad when past pops up in my present and create trouble.
I feel bad when I deny any propose.
I feel bad when somebody gets hurt by my words or by my mistake.
I feel bad when I ask for little help from my close ones and get denied.
I feel bad when I understand that surrounding is becoming harder and my sentiments are getting hurt.
I feel bad when I miss my hometown.
I feel bad when I miss the love and affection from my mom.
I feel bad when I see a sweet couple holding their hands keeping their heads on each other’s shoulder.
I feel bad when I miss a tight hug from some one special.

And then I understand, this is life. I try to ignore all the anxieties and move on.

Fighting with my mind

I don’t have control over my mind. The day I spent yesterday should make me feel better, but I am not feeling good. Don’t know why. Something I feel missing. Some urge to fulfill. But don’t know what those are. I had a trip to Lonavla with some of my friends yesterday. Those hill roads, those cloudy hills, having a cup of tea at the top of the hill under drizzle, little shopping of some crazy thing could have made me crazy. But when I returned home, I was in some different thoughts. Exactly what I am thinking, on which matter don’t really remember as I was damn tired. I woke up in the morning with the same mood. Lazy, disgusting irritating mood. I have tried to change this but as I told, I don’t have control over my mind.

You know, some times it happens. Even now also when I am asking to my mind WHY? Some words are just passing by. I caught some of those. “Don’t depend so much on somebody”. “Don’t give your mind to drive somebody else”. “Are you sick”? “Are you thinking of some shit again”? Some unwanted words. I don’t know why they are coming.