Yesterday evening I was feeling very haphazard. So after my cooking was over, I planned for meditation. Took out one hour and played a mediation CD and started. There are few stages of meditation. First stage was to keep your mind calm. I felt very relaxed. Second stage was thanks giving. It was like, think about the happier moment of your life with your parents, with your friends, with your beloved ones and thank them for the moments. I felt I was smiling while thinking about those moments. Now appears the interesting part for which I started writing this blog.
The next part of the meditation was to forgive. The voice from the CD was telling that ‘think of your enemies or the person you hated and forgive them. Not only forgive them but also pray to god for them.’ Some names were hitting me. Some faces I saw smiling at me. The faces I hated most. Some faces those I wanted to burn out. Some people whom I though to murder thousand times. They were laughing at me. I could not forgive. I tried hard. But the moment I tried to forgive, they laughed at me and the reasons of my hate came into picture. I sopped the CD. My meditation was incomplete.
After that I was lying down for some moments closing my eyes and locked these memories in dark cell of my mind. I realized, I am not in the stage of forgiving them. I am not a great man. I am not god. Probably after 10 years, this won’t mean to me any more, but at this stage of life I cannot forgive them. And if they ever come in the way of my life, I may execute my thousand timed thought murder idea.
