Living life on my own terms - The Selfish Trend

 

Behind every "Living life on my own Terms" person - there is someone who didn't live his life on his own terms.

Burning in silence. Dream sacrificed. Freedom worn like a crown built on negligence.

Behind every person who proudly claims to live life on their own terms, there is an invisible cost—a hidden story of sacrifice, pain, and dreams left to burn in the shadows. Living life on your own terms is often painted as the ultimate freedom, the heroic choice to break free from chains and live authentically. But underneath that glowing light is someone whose dreams were dimmed or sacrificed so another could shine.

It’s a selfish act wrapped in courage. Someone had to wilt so someone else could bloom. Someone had to bear the darkness, so the other could walk in the light. The freedom to say "I choose" is rarely born from thin air; it is shaped in the furnace of sacrifices—silent sacrifices that often go unseen and unacknowledged.

For every heart that roams free, there is another that stayed behind, tethered by duty, expectation, or pain. It could be a parent who gave up their passions to provide safety. A friend who swallowed their ambitions to support another’s dream. A soul who accepted confinement, so another might breathe air unbound.

This is the bitter truth hidden behind the triumphant cry of independence. Living on one's own terms is not just freedom; it is the privilege granted by someone else’s surrender. And sometimes, the light that guides is burning someone else’s flesh.

So when you proudly live life on your terms, remember the sacrifices that paved your way. Honor the silent fires that smoldered in the dark. Because freedom, at its core, carries a price tag etched with someone else’s withheld dreams.

Because in the end, to live on your terms is never just about you. It is about the lives quietly burned so you might shine.

I Am Not Letting It Go

 

I’ve read countless pieces of advice telling me to master the art of letting go. Whatever is weighing you down—just release it, and peace will follow.  I came across a story that struck a chord deep within me: 

If a snake bites you, don’t go chasing the snake to ask it to say sorry. First, treat the venom spreading inside you. Even if the snake apologizes, the poison has already taken hold.  

Until I turned 40, this was exactly how I lived. Whenever life threw something bad my way, I treated it like a snake bite—I focused on neutralizing the venom. I didn’t chase the snake. “Don’t chase the snake” became my mantra, my way to remind myself to heal without getting sucked into anger or pain. Did it work? I’m not sure. The venom did its damage every time—it burned me alive. But the snake roamed free, untouched.

Now, past 40, I’m trying something different. I’m not letting the snake go. Instead, I want to cage it. Let it bite me again... and again... until I grow immune to its venom. Until I can smile with poison in my veins, I’m not letting it go.

Every night during meditation, I picture that cage. I reach in, open it, and let the snake bite me. I tell myself: there is no forgiveness here. No such thing. I’m no saint. I’m selfish—this is my body, my mind, and I decide how long the snake stays by my side.

This is an experiment. I want to see if my body will stop reacting to the venom or It dies. If I can grab the snake’s jaw and ask it for one more bite. I believe, One day, I’ll hold the snake till its last breath, till it dies. I’ll gather every drop of venom and say, “Thank you for making me someone who no longer feels pain.” I’ll hold on until one of us dies—me or the snake.

What am I hoping to achieve? A mind that never forgets the moments that tested my very existence and efforts. A mind strong enough to face any unwanted situation with a smile. It’s like burning myself to ashes so I never burn again.

আসছে বছর - আবার হবে তো?

 গাড়ি তে ব্যাগ তোলা হয়ে গেলে দ্রুত মা বাবা কে প্রণাম সাড়ে ছেলেট।  প্রতি বার যাওয়ার সময় খুব তাড়াহুড়ো করে এই সময়টা। মা আসি, বাবা আসি এই চলো চলো, গাড়ি তে ওঠো, এলাম এলাম বলে দ্রুত গাড়িতে উঠে এয়ারপোর্ট রওয়ানা দে।  তাড়াহুড়োয় মা বাবার চোখে জল আসার সুযোগ পায় না।  হয়তো এই চোখের জলে বিদায় এড়ানোর জন্যই এই তাড়াহুড়ো।  

ছেলেটির বাবা প্রতিবার জিগেস করে - এয়ারপোর্ট ছাড়তে যাবো? যখন প্রথম ঘর ছেড়েছিলো, তখন স্টেশন ও ছাড়তে যেতে চেয়েছিল। ছেলেটা না করে।  "কি করবে এতো দূর গিয়ে? কোনো দরকার নেই", রুক্ষ ভাবেই বলে।  এই রুক্ষতা ছেলেটির বাবা মায়ের অভ্যেস হয়ে গেছে।  এক ই উত্তর প্রতিবার, এক ই রুক্ষতা, তাও জিজ্ঞেস কর।  হয়তো বোঝে যে বিদায় বেলায় বাবা মা এর চোখের জল দেখে গেলে বাইরে মন টিকবে না।  কেই বা সাধ করে ঘর ছেড়ে, শহর ছেড়ে, বন্ধু বান্ধব, আত্মীয় স্বজন ছেড়ে দূর দেশে পারি দেয় !

আমি কলকাতার কোনো এক লেনিন সারণির প্রান্তিক কোনো এক গলি - যে এক সপ্তাহের ব্যবধানে এক বাড়ির এক ছেলে এক মেয়ে কে বিদেশ পারি দিতে দেখল।  হৈহুল্লোরে গম গম করা বাড়ি - শান্ত, নিঝঝুম হতে দেখল। মেয়েটির যাওয়ার পর তার মা বাবা কে বাক শূন্য হয়ে চোখের জল আটকাতে আটকাতে ঘরের মধ্যে ঢুকে যেতে দেখল।  ছেলেটির যাওয়ার পর তার মা বাবা কেও এক ই ভাবে শান্ত ধীর পায়ে রোজ নামছে ফিরতে দেখলো।  ছেলে মেয়ের ছেড়ে যাওয়া অগোছালো ঘর, ভুল করে ছড়িয়ে রাখা জামা কাপড়, বাচ্চা দের ছড়িয়ে থাকা খেলনা,দেওয়াল ই পেন্সিল এর আঁকিবুকি, যা দেখে দু দিন আগেও রাগ হয়েছিল, তা দেখে চোখে জল এলো তাদের।  বৃদ্ধ বাবা মে দের নিঃসঙ্গতা দেখি রোজ।  আমার মতো গান্ধী সারণি, নেতাজি সারণি, নেহেরু সারণি আরো অনেক সারণি - সবাই এক ই ছবি দেখে রো।  ছেলে মেয়ে গুলো বাড়ি এলে, সেটাই হয়ে ওঠে দূর্গা পুজো, কালী পুজো, লক্ষী বা সরস্বতী পুজোর মতো উৎসব।  হৈ হৈ করে চোখের নিমেষে কেটে যায় দিন। 

আবার শুরু অপেক্ষা।  

Making Memory - Earning Smile

After 6 years - I realized that I didnt get chance to write anything to my Blog. 6 long years. So many things got changed in between. But olets not talk about the changes. Lets talk about how was my last 6 years.
Looking back at a glance - i see i can re-collect very few achievements like:
1. I got my First Onsite. SWITZERLAND. A dream country for all indians. 
2. Booked a Flat. 
3. Got a Baby Boy. By now he is 4 years already.
4. Brought Parents and In-Laws to Switzerland for a 1 month trip.

Now - what was most satisfying for me? Earning Money? Booking Flat? Having Kid? Or Bringing Parents to Switzerland. I feel the last one. This i feel like an achievement.

Being in parenthood i realized that this is one of the toughest job in the world. Parents sacrifices so many things in life to give the best to the kids. I still remember my Mother - taking me to school and waiting for the whole time outside school campus and take me home back. I still remember my father wanted to give best possible schooling, tution going byond his capabilities. 

When i started planning for their Switzerland trip - i was able to understand their joy, excitement and at the same time fear for a long journey. But finally when they reached i realized the joy in them. A satisfaction of their whole effort to make me eligible enough to be self independent. A 28 days trip, unlimited wow, awesome, etc etc for the trips over Alps mountains, Paris, Germany - made it a trip for their lifetime. 

For me i gathered all the smile that i could. Smiles - that i earned. Smiles that i wished to give to my parents and in-laws through out the life. It hampered my savings - but the memory i gained - cannot be compared with any amount.

Balanced Bygone

It’s a hectic start of a new career path. When I say hectic I really mean it. After bidding adieu to my 5 years old company Mindtree, I joined Tech Mahindra. Friends of mine who have worked in TechM may say I am crazy but this is my dream company. The company I am chasing from the day of my campussing. For last 7 years I waited for this opportunity and at last I got that.

Generally what I heard from people is after joining a new company it takes around two weeks to get project and start with work. Thankfully mine was a different story. The day I joined, the very next day I got a project and then the consequences started. Long working hours, Working in weekends, learning from different sources, share the learning with the new joiners and work under high demands. The dayly routine for last two months was like getting up early - going to office - working like hell and coming back late to home. Became tired and still no time for myself and also my family. Thankfully I got a wife who is so supporting that I didn't deviate from focusing on my work and at last delivered well. 

Its a Sunday when I writing this and today is the last day of our first release. I hope everything goes well and our teams work get noticed and hope we build confidence to the client we are working for. Standing today I am feeling like this hectic schedule actually made me little stronger to face the challenges.

Now that was the professional story. When I look back to my personal life for last 3 months, I find some ups and downs. My closest friend lost his father. After having enormous pain and after having a fight with death for 20 long days he bid adieu to us. One of my closest person, whom I expected to be most supportive turned back on me. I was like middle of no-where and realized that every relationship in this world are somehow based on ROI (Return on Investment). Long time back my Bengali teacher (Dr. Arup Kr Maity) told me the same thing and then I denied to accept that. These days I realize that he was correct. 

So, last 3 months it was mixed-bag roller coaster ride for me. I laughed with all, cried alone, became silent when someone insulted me, accepted hush words, enjoyed appreciation, felt the pain to loss someone and much more. I was scare about August. But it went Ok. Overall these much ups and downs are accepted in life. I am going good. May be in future I will make it Great.

L A T E - G E T

I didn't get anything in my life within time. Everything turns up so late that I don't feel the charm of achieving that thing. Now the most important part is I am still not used to it. May be after being victim so many times I should have accepted my fate, but I could not. There is always a hope that once, atleast once in my life I will get something smoothly.

May be this is little confusing. So let me explain. I still remember the day when I was selected in joint entrance examination, but due to my poor family condition I was about to forced in general line to study either literature or any science subject. I was so keen and exited after my joint result that whoever pointed finger at me as a non-studious guy, I proved them wrong atleast in one exam. My excitement came to an end when I started realizing that Engineering is a richer people catch not like us who belongs to lower middle class family. At the end my father somehow arranged a bank loan and I entered engineering college. My dream to be in engineering college came true but there was no excitement left.

Coming down to Third year final semester when campassing was going on I grabbed an offer and I was so excited that all my effort paid off and I will start my career right after my study. After completing 4th Year when all my friends were joining and I was eagerly waiting for the day when I will also join, then a mail came and I came to know that My joining date is postponed by 6 month. Again after 6 months another mail saying that the joining postponed for another 8 months and after 8 months again a mail with no joining date to my first company. By that time all my excitement to start a career has gone and I was struggling in Marketing with reliance and when I came to know that the company is not going to give joining then I tried for BPO and thankfully I got a chance in Wipro. When I was almost settled and performing well and thinking about shining in BPO sector my first company got merged with some another company and they decided to give the joining to the pending candidates. I joined a company after 3 years being selected. I was not excited at all. Rather I was feeling bad to leave Wipro as I had some good friends around me by that time. Still technical line better than BPO (by everyone's believe), so I joined and set a journey of 5 years.

Again the same thing happening with me. Again a ray of hope came and lost. And now when I actually thinking to be settled in the new company after job change it is poking me and may be in near future I will get that opportunity. But truly, I am not so much excited. I am just doing things calm and quietly.

I always been treated badly by hope. It always played with me and gave me what I dreamed off, but at that point of time when I feel no good and excited about that achievement. I just gave very small examples which includes my professional life. There are many more in my personal life as well. But there are something that I don't want to remember. There are something that I wish to forget as soon as possible. That's why I didn't write them to my diary or to any of my blogs. 

Lets see how much life can play with me before being stable. Long way to go before I sleep. Long way to go before I sleep.

Two Big Changes in Life

Its been long days I wrote anything in my blog. Its not that I didn't get time, But it is because my enthusiasm of writing came down drastically for last few months. Today I am determined to writeup something and also I missed so many things to update here. 
In between these days my life has changed a lot. A sentimental silent bachelor has tied the knot and he also completed his probation period (read : 6 months) and running pretty well. 
I was going through my previous blogs and there was something like winning over people who hated me a lot, finally I have done that and I don't feel different about that as well. May be I have grown up or may be I have become more practical about life. 

Now, How is my married life going and what all changes came to my life? First things first, even after 6 months of my marriage, I don't feel like I am married. I feel good about that. No such boundaries that is imposed on me, rather I feel free and happy that I got a charming chatterbox in my life with whom I can share my little words and listen to her enormous talks. This is the biggest change as of now. The second change is I have left Mindtree. After 5 years 1 month and 15 days I moved on. I didn't expect that some person will cry on my departure but that un-expected thing happened for the second time in my life. Yes I was also in tears but I somehow managed to cover it up by my crazy mumbo jumbos.  
May be this will sound little childish but a person like me, who was often out of spot light, feels good when somebody shows his/her love and affection. I am thankful to the people who cares for me. 

I haven't answered the question properly that why I have left Mindtree after 5 years. When I got promoted few months back. Salary was been revised well enough, then why changing the job and leaving the comfort zone? Here I pour my heart. Firstly, I sensed the project that I had been working has came to an end and I have to start again from the scratch. So if I have to start from the scratch then why not in different company. Secondly, a big part of my compensation was project specific. That means till the time I am in the project, I'll be eligible for that. That scared me. Thirdly, all my friends with whom I joined Mindtree has either left company or moved to onsite. I started finding mindtree little unknown. Fourthly, after marriage I felt that my salary is not enough to survive in Pune which pushed me a lot to go for the change. Thats all. I miss the people over there. I miss the cricket team in mindtree and MPL which will be played again this year and I wont be able to be a part of it. 

As a conclusion, things are stable now and I am going through a pretty comfortable time these days. And for those who fear to get married, a suggestion to them : Keep things simple and marriage is a wonderful thing.